TEZ: DEAD END

Want to watch speeding trains, cars and bikes for two hours without caring who, what, why? Here’s your chance to fulfill that fantasy of a video game without pushing a button.

The place is London. Aakash (Ajay Devgn) is caught by the police for being an illegal immigrant. Cut. His wife, Nikita (Kangana) screams and falls. Cut. Devgn is back in 4 years, with accomplices, Zayed Khan and Sameera Reddy.They plan to plant a bomb in a train. Cut. Apparently, the deported man in depression has watched “Speed” and Japanese film “The Bullet Train” and learnt something. He calls Boman Irani, railway officer and warns him that if the train’s speed is below 60 km/hr, the train will explode. Enters the good Indian cop, Arjun Khanna (Anil Kapoor).He barks orders at an imaginary troop of men on the phone and looks suitably concerned.Cut.

Directed by Priyadarshan, with this abrupt style of rapid shots and cuts, the story ends and the chase begins. Now we know why the film is titled “Tez”. Except that time goes by even slower than you can imagine.

The train starts speeding at 110 km per hour. Another cop, Mohanlal is inside the train shouting orders at all and sundry. At the railway headquarters, Boman shouts orders and points at railway maps. Anil Kapoor shouts some more, gets into a police car and quickly locates Devgn who gets him to dump a suitcase of cash into the water. Devgn disappears.

A boat chase begins with Sameera Reddy bravely fighting the waves and gun shots from a helicopter. The chase continues with her speeding on a bike, followed by a fleet of police cars. The sequence is as follows: speeding cars, speeding bike, close-up of Anil Kapoor’s face, speeding cars, speeding bike, long shot of girl in helmet, speeding cars, speeding bike. Did we mention the film is so cleverly titled ‘Tez”? And that the hero is Devgn, not the bike superwoman?

Next chase. No car. Zayed Khan runs. Anil Kapoor in overcoat, also runs. He runs with admirable style. Zayed Khan runs faster. He even runs up a wall, like Superman. Despite a bullet in his leg, he jumps into the water with Devgn waiting for him. That’s quite “tez”, you notice. Devgn also runs. Not when he is chased but when his dear friend needs him most. Now you are not quite sure if he is the hero after all. He is not even seen in most of the film except when he makes phone calls on his cell and then throws it into the water.

So that’s the major part of action screenplay(Robin Bhatt) covered, which is an accomplishment as there is no plot and one line trying to sound like a dialogue (Aditya Dhar):“ek who  jiske paas haarne ke liye kuch bhi nahin aur ek main jo sab haar chukaa hai.”  Here is an action packed non story which has nothing to say and nowhere to go. The lack of a strong and believable motivation for Devgn to take on the entire city of London, makes the whole experience meaningless and silly.

The remainder is a blur between the speeding train, few rapid flashbacks cut to the present with Ajay Devgn chased by Anil Kapoor at a railway station. A dialogue exchange and a gunshot settles the issue so quickly that you start wishing for the mindless chase instead.

As to the speeding train, by now, one has lost track. One simply watches Mohanlal swinging between two trains and wonders why this great actor is reduced to this position.

The music (Sajid-Wajid) does not provide much relief or entertainment value, with the exception of “Tere Bina”. The simple  lyrics (Jalees Sherwani & Shabbir Ahmed) work well with Rahet Fateh Ali’s rendition.

The cinematography does most of the storytelling in the movie at it captures action sequences with great style. The only redeeming factor is  the action by Gareth Milne and  Peter Pedrero. However, the hero of the film, namely, the speeding train is eventually reduced to a guest appearance, as it  is shown mostly through brief ariel shots.

The actors do a good job of running, chasing, shouting into telephones and throwing cell phones into water. Each look as lost as the other when trying to say something important or emotional. What stands out are Kangana’s curls, Devgn’s  cell phones and Anil Kapoor’s  sneers and Mohanlal’s moustache. Mallika Sherawat’s appearance in an item song is for once, welcome.

If you enjoy speeding to reach dead ends, 'Tez’ is for you.