Open letter to Shah Rukh and Kajol: Dilwale is not DDLJ Part II and your romantic chemistry is wasted

(This was first published in Firstpost.com)
Dear Shah Rukh Khan and Kajol,

Remember when you two jumped up and down, bobbing along with a basketball, wore your silliest grins, teased each other with your signature tune, and called each other a cheater in Karan Johar’s Kuch Kuch Hota Hai?

Well, we feel cheated after watching the most awaited film of the year— Dilwale.

You both were simply adorable as college kids back then. Today, you are downright explosive in your over-hyped chemistry.

Did you let the director, Rohit Shetty fool you into believing this would be a DDLJ 2 or did you decide to fool all your fans into expecting the same?

Yes, we know that Mr. Shetty is not exactly known for mushy romance. The trailer seemed promising with its ability to mix chemistry and action. What happened to that promise?

Shah Rukh, when you almost reenacted the iconic Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge scene, sitting on the grass and Kajol lying on your lap and discussing how you would convince your families, didn’t you just miss the presence of the source of conflict — Amrish Puri?

Which brings us to a crucial point; who was the villain in Dilwale? Was it the past your characters shared? If so, why wasn’t there enough of it?

Kajol, we loved you in your high stilettoes, and a new, slimmer and very glam look. We only wish you had asked the makers to cut down on photoshop alterations, as it ended up reminding us of the Cherry Blossom shoe polish that brings so much glow and shine. But we're willing to let this one pass, given that your contagious smile and huge eyes are enough to light up the entire country, let alone the silver screen.Shah Rukh, we loved your intense expressions. They really work as much as your dimpled smiles and your signature arm pose, no matter how familiar they get. In fact, there is sort of relationship between each of your charming expressions and your fans. We know you know it and you know the camera knows it. It never fails to get the whistles going in the theatres.

So we don’t mind at all that you both run across a cold lake in exotic locales in slow motion, as if you are in your twenties. It’s as much fun to see you both sing away with rainbows and waterfalls in the backdrop. Old memories of “suraj hua madhham” get triggered and we are happy seeing you in the same mould once again. That’s the charm of good, old Bollywood where you can go on spoofing on your own lines, "Rahul…naam to suna hoga” .

But did you have to let Mr. Shetty take so much liberty that every scene seem formulaic and unoriginal? He has blatantly copied scenes from Love Actually and the TV show How I Met Your Mother.

Varun Dhawan and Kriti Sanon are decent actors in their own right. Varun is fairly popular among the younger lot, and maybe Mr Shetty believes that he could draw the audience with his humour.

Shah Rukh, you are as brilliant at comedy as romance. There were some nice moments between Varun and you, who plays your younger brother. Your timing was bang on, but the major comic elements went to Varun and his friend, Sidhu ( Varun Sharma ) or to Sanjay Mishra as the friend’s father. You seemed happy to simply stand by, with an all-knowing look, as Varun and the new villain entrant, Mr King ( Boman Irani) romp around in big hats and pink jackets, trying to be funny.

Did Mr Shetty tell you that the script was about you and Kajol and how the younger couple would be instrumental in bringing the two of you together? Or did he tell you that you two would sing songs, have one romantic scene and one hate scene, with plenty of cars and bullets thrown in?

Allow us inform you that you both don’t need so many characters to crowd your script. You can fool around on screen, sing and dance, crack PJs, have a blast with sexy wheels and guns and entertain us as meaninglessly as Chennai Express. But, please be there on screen as promised. Just the two of you. Because you two look sexier than ever. Because you are wonderful actors and rocking superstars who deserve better scripts. You're the ultimate screen pair who just missed a great opportunity to recreate the magic, amid all this chaos in Dilwale.

No Thank You,

Your heartbroken fans.